Here's one of the papers. I tried to focus it on how malleable I really am. Let me know what you think:
I struggle with substance abuse every day of my life. Marijuana, alcohol, cigarettes. It’s horrible. Every day I wake up and I wish I was still asleep. Those extra 20 minutes of sleep would mean so much to me. I’d give hundreds of dollars to stay in bed for 20 more minutes. And this is why I struggle.
I’ve never gotten drunk or high. I’ve never snorted anything or injected myself with anything. I’ve never smoked. So, one may ask “Where does the struggle come from?” The struggle comes from the two sides of my head at war. One is heavily influenced by the music that I listen to and people I idolize. The other is influenced by stress and a feeling that I need to escape. This is abnormal. I know. Most people do not listen to Straight-edge hardcore bands every day that remind them to stay in control of their mind. Most people do not think they have a responsibility like I do to remain alert and ready to run or fight at all times. Most people have dreams of going to college, partying for four years and then getting some mediocre job at some mediocre office. Or maybe they’ll own a mediocre business. I have no idea what I want to do with my life, and I think that can help at times. But the other side of my head is just as strong, and it often feels like the drug-free side is just holding its ground until I cave. The feeling that I need to escape is the most prevalent and also the scariest. I come so close to asking my friend to buy me pot. I come so close. Then again I also come close to having “Drug-free for life” tattooed into my back.
Do I turn to a drink or into what I really wanna be?
Is a substance gonna be the crutch that’s gonna
Set me f****** free?
A band named Have Heart wrote these lyrics. They were one of the greatest straight-edge hardcore bands ever, right after D.C.’s own Minor Threat. I’ve tried to lead a positive life, and not waste my time. I’ve tried to follow these words, but if I don’t let go I might just explode.
I’ve tried to explain to my friend that having goals and smoking weed don’t mix very well. He doesn’t care. And deep down, maybe I don’t either. Because, in the end, it’s all a struggle. And I can win or I can lose, and what is winning and what is losing isn’t clear to me yet, but even if I do win, what difference will it make? And am I doing it for myself, or to impress my idols?
Topic: Positivity Thread! (Read 33765 times)
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